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    My Long Evening
    Just to make the story of my poopy evening more poo-filled, I'll begin by giving you an update on our house hunting. For those who aren't loyal members of the Bee Hive (for shame!), Mr. Bee and I have been house hunting for approximately a half year by now and we finally found our McDreamy house. No, Patrick Dempsey doesn't live there. But it's McDreamy none the less.

    So I couldn't stand the suspense and finally emailed our Redfin agent on our anniversary, hoping for some really sweet news to be an anniversary gift for ourselves. Our agent emails me back with this:

    "[The] contract has been received and will be assigned to someone at the bank the first week of August."

    Seriously?! So for the last week and a half our offer/contract has just been sitting in someone's god damn inbox?! And no one is even going to be assigned to it until (hopefully) next week!?!?! I say hopefully because I don't know if the douche bags at "The Bank" will consider this coming week or the week after to be "the first week of August."

    I knew that this whole process was going to be irritatingly slow, but seriously. This bank is so small, I can't even find a website for it.

    FYI: If you have/are a company and you don't have a website, you are dead to me. Seriously.

    Mr. Bee and I have decided that if this house doesn't work out, we're going to be really disappointed. Like soul-crushingly disappointed. You've been warned...

    But I digress. The whole house thing doesn't have anything to do with tonight. I just wanted you irritated on my behalf as I start my story...


    So our whole day today (okay, not really, but kind of) was scheduled around an appointment I made a few days ago to get my hair cut and colored uh, naturally enhanced. Yeah, yeah, it's natural. I swear!

    On my way tonight to Le Mall, I was stuck in traffic behind some chick in a red Jeep. Oh wait, that's not a girl. It's a dude. With a...wait for it...mullet! And I'm not talking a "oh, my hair is just a little long in back" mullet. I'm talking a full on Dog, the Bounty Hunter mop! It's was fucking awesome. I was dying in laughter as I passed him only to see gigantic elk antlers attached to the grill of the Jeep. Classic.

    So I get safely to the Mall and down a quick (and disgusting) mall pretzel with "cheese". I'm pretty sure this was some sort of cheese product and not the actual thing. But I was hungry and since my appointment was at 6pm, I figured I'd be dying of hunger if I didn't shove something down my gullet before the girls at G.J. had their way with me.

    I go to check in at the front counter, after wiping the last remnants of cheese goo from my chin, ready to begin my transformation from dumpy mom to our beloved and recently departed SYTYCD dancer, Kherington:
    only to find out that the Douchey McDoucherPants who took my reservation made it for FRIDAY night, not Saturday. Cool. Thanks jerk for totally messing up my plans and making me put off my beautifying for a whole week.

    Sidenote: At this point, I'm so disappointed that I practically want to cry. I don't think the fact that I'm super PMSing right now helped matters much.

    I made an appointment for next Saturday and now had to figure out what the hell do to with myself instead of just wasting a Saturday evening. Mr. Bee suggested that I drive to Renton to find the much sought after Mario Kart for the Wii. Apparently, The Store That Shall Not Be Named said online that they had some in stock. So I started the half hour drive up to Renton through stupid pissy drivers.

    Another Sidenote: Okay, for all you stupid asshole drivers out there that think some silly girl driving an SUV won't care if you cut her off and drive like a total douche...SURPRISE! I DO care! In fact, I will fuck with you like nobody's business if I get the opportunity. And what you don't know about this little blond, is that I am in fact a pissed off, PMSing, stressed out and needing a break but I didn't get one because some other ass messed up my hair appointment, Mom without her baby in tow. You know what that means? It means that now I can drive like I want to (i.e. not all careful and cautious since Baby Bee is in the car). So watch out, asshole drivers. Mama means business.

    When I finally get to The Store That Shall Not Be Named (TSTSNBN, for short, or VoldeMART as Mr. Bee suggests), it's swamped with people. And I'm going to be as super PC as I can right now. I know VoldeMART has great prices. But I've also seen that documentary that talks about what a horrible corporation it is, destroying whole towns and what not, so the Bee Family just tries to avoid it as much as possible. And while I'm sure we've all been patrons of said chain multiple times, there is definitely a stereotyped clientele. You know. You've seen them.

    But at this place, it was like the typical "clientele" times 850 million. It was KER-azy. And here I am, not dressed up per se, but trying to be cute for my hair appointment so when I go from drab to fab my outfit will match. Well, let's just say, it did not fit in here. It's kind of like that time I went to Lowe's in a skirt and heels to pick up some random plumbing thing. Just stuck out a bit.

    I went to the Electronics counter and, of course, the dude says that he had like a trillion (okay, 6) Mario Karts this morning but they sold out already. Yay for me. So I head back, trying to navigate through the throngs of people mesmerized by "falling prices." I'm trying to dig out my cell phone to call and relay the "meow meow"-ness of the situation to Mr. Bee, when I hear, "Hey! Maam!"

    Maam? Really? Yep, I'm that old, I guess.

    But here comes Electronics Counter Dude (aka: my savior) with Mario Kart in hand!!

    WHAT?! I guess some dude had called and put it on a hold a few hours ago but never came to buy it so he's gonna let me buy it from him instead!!! YAY!!!!!!

    So this story has a happy ending, I thought, as I pulled back on to the highway and headed for the comfort of home.

    *******

    Totally unrelated, but for those keeping track, the Bee Household now officially has the ability to DVR 5 shows at one time! Hilarious! Apparently the replacement TiVo, that came a week or so ago to replace our gangsta Series One original TiVo after the Nielsen Ratings hardware broke it, has a dual tuner! haha! Just when you thought I couldn't possibly watch more television...

    And a special little nugget for you if you've managed to read this entire post, here's a little "Quote of the Week" from Bunco Night:
    "I can't help it...the big balls kill me every time!"


    And since I'm catching up on all my random thoughts for the week, if Sara is out there, your husband does not have a rape wagon. But THIS GUY definitely does:

    I couldn't help but take a photo of it of that beauty while driving!


    Song title: Blah Blah Blah by Iggy Pop

    3 comments:

    the mama bird diaries said...

    That hair thing would have bummed me out. I need my roots done like yesterday.

    Melisa@andbabywillmake4 said...

    Where to begin?

    I to hate companies with no website, they are immediately crossed off my list! I mean it's 2008, even a little something is better than nothing!

    My hair is in serious need of a trim but since they started lovely construction on the highway on the weekends, I refuse to go on Saturdays now. And going during the week won't be possible for another 2 weeks. Oh the joy of split ends!

    WM...we try to avoid that place but can't. And everytime we go we say it's the last time and never is. I think the falling prices really does have some sort of hypnotic effect!

    So jealous of your new Tivo, we have faux-vo and can record two programs at a time, so when there are 3 at 10 pm I am screwed! And if I even mention getting a second one for the bedroom...I think I will get kicked out of the house!

    Pearl said...

    Im with you on the companies with no web site thing. I mean, do they have secretaries that take dictation too?

    And going to WM makes me want to kill myself. And everyone else there too.