I'll Tell the World

I'm trying to figure out a funny way to tell my friends and family that we're pregnant (when it happens - don't freak out on me; I'm not pregnant yet!). Last time, Mr. Bee sent out an email to our friends:

Subject: Life-altering Health Issue

Dear Friends,

I don't mean to catch you off-guard by any of this, but (Mama Bee) has a doctor's appointment soon and we may have less than 8 months left. We don't think it's contagious, but we're pretty sure I gave it to her (don't worry, I don't expect to give it to anyone else). If it turns out she got it from someone else I'll be very upset.

(Mama Bee)'s appearance may be significantly affected and our lives will definitely be changed forever.

We will need your support and encouragement during this terrifying time (for Kola [our dog at the time]). No, really. Baby toys scare the shit out of her.

- Mr. Bee

I definitely need to start brainstorming...


Song title: I'll Tell the World by Ever Stays Red

Wishin' and Hopin'

::Yawn::
Is the week over yet? Seriously, yo. I'm spent.

Since Sunday, I have been so exhausted. And last night I was feeling kind of ill.

My brilliant deduction is that I'm either:
(1) exercising too much and causing my muscles to mutiny
(2) getting old
(3) pregnant
(4) sick

Obviously, I really hope that it's Cletus the Fetus that is making me so. god. damn. tired. But I'm realistic that even if I am pregnant, it's probably a little too early for me to be suffering from baby-induced exhaustion.

Options 1 & 4 are enticing because then at least I will, in theory, improve at some point. Whereas Option 3 is slightly depressing as this will just be foreshadowing the 9+ months ahead of me.

Sidenote: Baby Bee is talking to herself in her crib right now. She's saying, "No!...No!" but not in an angry way. A really cute belligerent baby way. She's also started to put a finger up to her mouth and say, "Hmmm..." when I ask her a question. Frickin' adorable, I tell ya.

Because I am so exhausted and cannot come up with a witty blog post to save my life, I will henceforth and therefore and whatnot entertain you with a photo of Baby Bee that I took yesterday after she woke up from her nap:

Does she look more like
Nick Nolte
Gary Busey
or Sanjaya?


Wishin' and Hopin' by Ani Difranco

Dancing Queen

"You are the Dancing Queen, young and sweet, only seventeen 20 months..."
Out of the 100-ish weddings I've been to in my life, I think I've only been to maybe 4 that I wasn't in some capacity working. It's actually a good thing because, since starting my wedding business about 5 years ago, attending a wedding as a guest is pretty painful.

Like, you know when you are planning your wedding and some one says, "Hey, don't worry about it! NO ONE will notice..." Yeah, sorry to burst your bubble, but I will notice. And pick it apart. In my head, anyway (and to Mr. Bee later in the evening).

So when we got to go to a wedding this last weekend, I was pretty stoked to see what the bride will be wearing, who the vendors are, etc.

This wedding was even better because it happened to be one of those weird Small World Coincidences that kind of creep me out. The Groom was Mr. Bee's cousin, but the Bride was a chick that I went to junior high and high school with. The Bride and I were friends when we were like 13 but since then, not so much. So I never thought that I'd (1) ever be invited to her wedding and/or (2) be related to her (albeit, by marriage).

Anywho, the wedding itself was pretty uneventful. My favorite part, though, was the beginning of the ceremony. Their officiant was also the emcee and dj for the night. Oh yeah, he was "that guy".

His ceremony opener was to talk about what love and marriage meant to the Bride and Groom. (and I quote paraphrase)

"The Groom thinks that love is doing something for the other person even when it might not be the right thing for yourself."
Really, though? Like...getting married? Aaaaaaaaawkward.

It also didn't help much that the Groom's mother was something more appropriate for a funeral than a wedding. (another aaaawkward...)

Anywho, the rest of the night was pretty uneventful except for one little thing:

No offense to the Bride (okay, maybe a little offense since you *did* completely frickin' ignore me when I tried to be all nice to you during the receiving line), but Baby Bee stole the show! She was totally in the zone that night and had just about every woman in the building sighing in adoration.

Here she is cutting up a rug with Mr. Bee and I:
(Sorry for how blurry the photo is!) I had no idea she was so obsessed with dancing, but any time I got exhausted needed a break, she would freak out and start yelling "Dan! Dan! Dan!" (Translation: Dance! Dance! Dance!) while pointing to the dance floor.

We ended up leaving the party at 10 p.m., but I think our little party girl had many hours of dancing left in her. I can't wait to see what fly moves she has for weddings we'll be attending this coming summer!

Song title: Dancing Queen by ABBA

You Might Recall (Updated)

Doesn't Baby Bee look so peaceful in her crib? Nothing but sweet dreams of Elmo and gummy snacks drifting through her precious little head while she sleeps, safe in bed.

Well, apparently, she would be better off in one of these:
Tuesday afternoon I found out, through my Consumer Product Safety Commission Recall Emails, that Baby Bee's crib has been recalled.

Update: The reason the crib has been recalled is because the slats are so weak that babies/toddlers have kicked them hard enough to actually break them. Then, of course, those little ones can get caught trying to wiggle out of their pen. Usually that won't worry me too much, but Baby Bee actually makes a sport out of seeing how hard she can kick the crib slats!

So now I have to battle the guilt of still putting Baby Bee to sleep in said death trap until the weekend comes and I can buy a new crib with Mr. Bee.

Okay, so the crib isn't really a death trap (no children have actually been hurt in it), but there has to be some liability when I know about a recall and yet keep using the recalled item, right?

Oh, you thought I was worried about Bee's safety?

Uh, yeah. That too.

The furniture company has this ridiculous list of things you have to do before you can get a refund/new crib. First, you have to register your crib online. Then, they will send you a FedEx package of instructions.

You now will have to dismantle your crib and mail to them some bolt and labels and stuff to prove to them that (1) you have said crib, and (2) you aren't using it anymore (hence the bolt, etc.).

THEN, two weeks later after you submit a virgin sacrifice, you might receive your VOUCHER for a crib at the store that sold you a shitty crib in the first place.

Really though? Because the first thought I had after reading that the crib was recalled was "Hey! I should go straight back to that same store and buy ANOTHER piece of shitty furniture! I COMPLETELY trust them now!!"

Oy.

Can you believe that they make you go crib-less for two weeks while they process your claim? Am I just supposed to put Baby Bee is a cardboard box or something?!

Hmmm...maybe the entertainment cabinet will work...

Luckily, said Baby Store will generously allow us to purchase a new crib now and then refund our money later when we get the voucher.

Seriously, I'm really happy that they are being cool. 'Cause I don't know if that box will hold her for long.


Song title: You Might Recall by Genesis

Players Holiday

Wordless Tuesday?

Baby Bee circa December 2007
This post is my pathetic attempt to win a $200 Tar-jaay gift certificate via the Merry SITSmas Contest on the super awesome newest obsession of mine, The Secret Is In The Sauce. SITS is a site that supports and pimps out blogs to increase your readership! Since my goal is to be the Perez Hilton of Seattle by next year (kidding!), SITS is the place for me!

Wish me luck!


Song title: Players Holiday by Ant Banks

Smart Girls

Lately I've been trying really hard not to be that mom. You know, the one that thinks her child is a MENSA candidate because her one-year-old picks her nose with such grace. But I'm different, right?

I have to brag about Baby Bee. Over the last few months, Bee loves to point out any letters. Anywhere. It started with the U-Haul boxes. She would point at the U-H-A-U-L while saying "gee, blah, uuh, aah, eee". We thought it was hilarious and great that she was showing such an interested in letters.

It wasn't until last week that we really started paying attention to what she was saying...

And she was getting about three-fourths of the letters correct!

I immediately got out her flashcards and just made them available for her to play with. (I'm really not that crazy mom who pushes this shit on her. Really. She spends most of her time admiring the afternoon programming of the Sprout channel.) Again, she's getting the majority of the letters correct!

To top it off, just a minute ago I was sitting on the couch next to my Starbucks Vancouver coffee mug. Bee tumbles on over and proceeds to spell "Vancouver" correctly while pointing out the letters on the mug! Holy crap balls!

I can't believe this development occurred right after Oprah's Super Awesome Kids episode. I'm sure she woulda been a contender...

PS: Extra points for those of you who have noticed that you can see a little something extra when you hover over the photos in my blog!
Thanks to Mr. Lady for inspiring this new fun feature!


Song title: Smart Girls by Brian Wilson

Just Let It Slide

While I come up with something funny and fascinating to write about, I thought I'd let Baby Bee entertain you. This is a video of her enjoying her "new" slide.



Baby Bee Translations
"No no no"
Pretty obvious. She refuses to let me videotape her and constantly all I get is her saying "nonono" and shaking her finger at me.

"...Two...aaaah..."
This is the Baby Bee equivalent to "One...Two...Three..."

"Schla...Schla..."
Slide

"Ah-tay!" and "Ah Bet-Ah"
My favorite part of the video is when she falls down and insists that she's "okay" and "all better"



Song title: Just Let It Slide by Am Drive

Livin' Proof

Song title: Livin' Proof by The Group Home

Clone

I'm thinking their might be a slight resemblance between me and Baby Bee...












Sweet Baby Jesus, we even have the same hair cut!


Song title: Clone by Avail

Cry with a Smile

My 17-month old daughter almost made me cry in public today.
In fact, I'm pretty sure that one more outburst would have had me in tears. Lots of tears.

See, I was out at lunch with my closest friends at a downtown cafe when, all of a sudden, my beautiful Baby Bee turned in to something resembling this random kid from Google:

And when my somewhat typical of a luncheon turned in to a life-changing-news luncheon, instead of being a good friend, an attentive friend, I was a crabby friend. A distracted friend. A friend who smiled and tried to join in on the fun, but was crying on the inside from frustration.

Motherhood has officially made me a shitty shitty friend.

I should have seen the news coming. I should have been paying attention. But instead, I was being mortified by Baby Bee screeching her head off and having a temper tantrum on the floor. When everyone was laughing because I obviously wasn't clued in to what was going on, I was already so frustrated at the situation that instead of "getting it", I snapped at them, asking if I was missing some joke (or basically, was I the center of one?).

I've never, EVER, felt like such a crappy person and friend as I do now. I should've been all smiles and sunshine and puppy dogs, but instead I feel like I was a big rain cloud over the day.

I don't blame anything or anyone for my shitty mood, but me. With that said (ha ha), since when did motherhood suck the fun and joy out of everything? Everything has gotten so difficult. It's difficult to eat at restaurants (gotta keep that kid entertained and eating). It's difficult to connect with your husband and your marriage (far too busy taking care of the little one and fighting about how to that). And it's difficult to be a friend, especially when you don't have the freedom that comes with being childless.

Maybe this is all just a side effect of little sleep, lots of stress and being a single-mom 2/3rds of the week now. Who knows? Maybe tonight I'll take a bath, go to bed early and, maybe, hopefully, wake up smiling.


Song title: Cry with a Smile by After Forever

Another You, Another Me

But I am loving me some booz-ahol right now...
Tick, tock, ladies. According to my ovaries Outlook calendar, it appears to be that time again.

Time for awesome new television? Oh yeah, but that's not what I mean...

Time to plan a housewarming party? Nah, there is one tentatively scheduled for October 2012 (i.e. when the moving boxes finally get opened and distributed)...

Time to start buying Christmas presents? Guess again. I don't do that shit until 12/24...

Nope. It's TIME. Time to do the nasty. Get another egg fertilized. Time to have another baby.

Baby Bee is now almost a year and a half, so if we get knocked up in the next few months then her and her little sister (fingers crossed, man) will be roughly 2 1/2 years apart. Sissy and I are about 3 years apart and I've always thought that it was great timing - we never really had to go to school together except for when we were young and it didn't really matter. And now that we're older, 3 years is nothing and we're the best of buds!

So logistically, it's all guns blazing, let's do this thing! But, uh, well, shit. Do I really want to be pregnant again? Last time was a blast - I really enjoyed being pregnant.

Except for the wanting to vomit all the time (but hardly ever really vomiting so it was just really frustrating).

Oh, and then the being hungry all the time and having to make sure I brought food with me EVERYWHERE or else risk stealing other people's food and/or eating anything remotely food-like.

And the getting fat.

And never sleeping. (oh yeah, that's a newborn thing too. Fuck.)

And the having to pee every hour, on the hour. My bladder was a frickin' Cuckoo Clock, yo.

And we won't even touch labor and post-labor issues. Let's just say that I didn't have a super great birth story. It was more like an alien abduction rip-the-baby-out-of-me story.

So, uh, yeah. Not so excited this time around. But I don't want to only have one child. I want Bee to have a sister (or brother!) to play around with. Shit, this kid will probably be walking before Bee does.

I never thought I'd be that Mom, either. You know, the one who freaks out about having the second kid thinking that she couldn't possibly love a child more than #1. I know that I'll love #2 just as much as Bee. It's just so strange for me to think about having to split my time between two kids. And it's not only about me wanting to spend all my time with Bee; it makes me sad that #2 won't get the mommy one-on-one time that Bee has gotten these last few years.

To make things worse, we were going to start "trying" when Mr. Bee ended a commitment at work that had him traveling once a month to various locations around the country. That ended this month. But then, a couple weeks ago, we found out that now he's going to have to work about 3 hours away from home 4 days a week. So from Monday through Thursday, he'll be living on the pennisula. Hmmm...little bit of a damper on things. And I had thought the once a month traveling was an imposition!!

Any who, so one of these days you might be reading an "I'm PREGO!" post, but for now, I think I'll just refill my glass of rum punch and enjoy a full night's sleep...


Song title: Another You, Another Me by H & Claire

These Boots Are Made for Walkin'

Are you ready, boots? Start walkin'
I can't believe it's taken me a whole week to get a post up about this but...

::DRUM ROLL PLEASE::

Baby Bee took her first steps!! FINALLY!!

Last weekend we went to the Seattle Children's Museum with some friends and while Bee was distracted with some random toy, she took a couple steps towards me without even realizing it.

Then, on Thursday, I was picking Bee up from Nana's after a wedding rehearsal and Nana had something to show me. She intended on showing me how Bee could stand by herself for a few seconds, but instead Bee decided to take like five steps!! Needless to say, we were all floored by this new development!

I think it will still take some time to convince Le Bebe that walking is a far superior mode of transportation than crawling. She refuses to walk at times with a belligerent "But you were so excited when I finally started crawling; isn't that good enough for you, Mom?" look on her face.


Song title: These Boots Are Made for Walkin' by Nancy Sinatra

Back in the Day

Today Baby Bee decided to regress back to her Bumbo days:

That's actually her smiling. And we're having a lazy day today; she doesn't usually look like such a rag-a-muffin.

I wasn't complaining since it actually let me get a few minutes of ironing done. Until I realized that she had saved up two days worth of poop in her cute little baby butt and decided to excrete the foulest smells-like-rotting-dead-people-in-a-sewer-plant poop while sitting in the Bumbo. One those diaper changes where you try your damnest to hold your breath but since you have to wipe butt 85 times to remove all traces of poo, you end up getting light headed from either the lack of oxygen to your brain or the smell. Dear God, the smell.


Song title: Back in the Day by Christina Aguilera

Acceptable in the 80's

What the hell was Elizabeth Hasselbeck wearing on the View today? I'm pretty sure it was the most popular prom dress of the year....in 1986.

Are Hasselbeck and Cat Deeley competing in a secret Ugly Dress Contest? I don't know about you, but I'm not quite sure who's winning...


Grow Up So Fast
Can you believe that today Baby Bee decided that sitting up to play with toys was cool?! I know, The Bee Hive is thinking, "uh, isn't Bee like 15 months old? And she's just now sitting up?!"

Okay, Judgey McJudgerPants. See, Baby Bee sat up for a while but promptly decided in February of this year that only losers sit still for any measurable amount of time and that she was way too cool for that. So seriously from February to today, Baby Bee simply laid down on her tummy or stood at our ottoman to play with toys. Until, on her own, she did this:
Yes, it is an event that is picture-worthy! Now if I can just get my 15-month old to walk on her own...


Song title: Acceptable in the 80's by Calvis Harris; Grow Up So Fast by Chantal Kreviazuk

Danger Zone

No. No! NO!! DON'T TOUCH THAT!!
Happy (belated) Fourth of July everybody! Today the Bee Family just got back from a 2-day visit to Nana & Poppa's Lake House out in Shelton. At the left (see photo), you'll see my overnight bag. Oh yeah, you heard me right. That is my overnight bag for the trip. Now, it was for me and Baby Bee, but still. I was pretty embarrassed to be dragging that ginormous bag around for a day and a half trip!


::Side Note Rant::
Sorry to interrupt, but I have The Next Food Network Star on TV right now and the chefs are on the Rachel Ray Show. I'm sure to finally offend someone here, but oh my God, Rachel Ray annoys the crap outta me. I don't really have anything witty to add here. She is just way too friggin' annoying and happy all the time. Someone needs to lay off the Valium. And pass it this way!
/end rant


But I digress...Anyways, we had a big Welcome-Home-and-Congratulations-on-Retiring-from-the-Air-Force Party for Sissy and Family. It was fun but busy and now I feel like I need a weekend at the Lake House to relax!

My big epiphany from the weekend is this: my fifth worst nightmare is being stuck with a toddler in a non-baby-proofed house. (My other worst nightmares? (1)Heights (2)Dolls (3)Clowns & (4)a Clown Doll trying to push me off a cliff. Don't laugh! It's funny until it happens to you.)

Anyway, is it not the worst thing ever to have a toddler exploring a house that is not prepped for kids?! I was chasing Baby Bee all weekend! Sooo exhausting! The next time I go anywhere, I'm packing with me a baby gate, safety plugs for outlets and a giant trash bag to dump everything baby accessible. If that doesn't work, maybe I'll just try to find a Baby Bee sized straight jacket...

Song title: Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins

Baby I Love You

(My Long Overdue Open Letter to Baby Bee)


My Dearest Beloved Baby Bee,

It's hard for me to believe that it was over a year ago that you came into our lives...

I remember the day I found out that we were pregnant. I was so excited that I had to call and tell almost every person I knew! Eventually I called Daddy too! We were so excited that we were going to have a little baby of our own. We had tried for about six months to have a baby and we were so thrilled when it finally happened!

Over the next few months, we got to see you when we went to the doctor. We thought you were just the most beautiful baby we'd ever seen!

I remember when we found out that you were a girl. We were so happy! We knew immediately what you would be called. (We called you Felix before we knew you were a girl, but that's a story for another time...) We chose Bridget because we thought it was classic, beautiful and unique - just like we knew you would be! Your middle name is Laraine and you are named after a very special woman that Mommy loves and misses a lot. Aunt Laraine (we called her Aunt Rainy) was Nana's baby sister and she loved your mommy very much!

We were also very happy you were a girl because we only had one girl name chosen! If you had been a boy, your name would probably still be Baby Boy B. to this day!

Mommy loved being pregnant with you! Daddy took very good care of us and brought us all sorts of yummy food home to eat!

Before we knew it, April had arrived and that meant that you would arrive soon too. We waited and waited but you didn't want to leave your comfy spot in my tummy, so on April 16th, 2007 the doctor called and told us to come to the hospital to have our little baby girl! We were so excited; it was like Christmas morning times a million!!

We packed up our things and got ready to welcome you to the world. Lots of our favorite people were there to welcome you with us: Nana, Poppa, Aunt Sissy, Uncle Timmy, Kennedy and Jackson. You took almost 11 hours to show up and when you did, it was a big production! You decided to come out facing up and with your cord around your neck twice! But at 10:46 p.m., when the doctor finally helped you out, it was worth the wait.

Every day since you have been in our lives has been a new adventure. You are such a sweet and loving baby. You hardly cried at all when you were tiny, only if you were hungry (thank you for that!). When you were small, you absolutely refused to put any weight on your legs. You just take your time and do things when it's right for you!

You love to play and you especially love your books. We have book club hour with you at least six times a day and you fill the time in between with reading to yourself. When you turned one, you fell in love with Elmo from Sesame Street and you love cuddling with him in your crib and talking to him early in the morning!

Now that Aunt Sissy is home, you love playing with all your cousins! No one can make you belly laugh like your cousin Jackson! Kennedy loves you to bits and you are fascinated with your baby cousin, Sullivan.

I am thankful every day that I have such a beautiful and happy baby! I can't wait to see what the next year has in store for you. I hope that you are even happier than you are today and grow to be a strong, independent and intelligent little girl.

Know that your mommy and daddy love you always!

All my love,
Mommy













I love you, Bee!


Song title: Baby I Love You by Aretha Franklin

Don't Cry For Me, Argentina

Tonight I cried while rocking Baby Bee asleep in her room. Surrounded by the pink walls we painted after we found out that we were having a baby girl, I broke down knowing that this was going to be the last night that I rocked Baby Bee to sleep in this room.

As I cried, Baby Bee lifted her head off my shoulder and stared at me. She gently lifted up her hand and patted my tears on my cheek. I felt like she was saying, "It's okay, Mom. We'll make new memories in our new home!"

As I smiled at my sleepy baby and reacted to her pats, she then proceeded to start slapping my face as hard as she could (with a giant grin on her face). I'm pretty sure that she was now telling me, "Okay, woman. Enough is enough. Snap the hell out of it already." Needless to say, I left the room with a smile on my face.


Song Title: Don't Cry For Me, Argentina by Evita - the musical

Who's Gonna Shoe Your Pretty Little Feet?

Baby Fashionistas
I simply can't decide if Heelarious High Heels are hilarious or retarded...but I can admit that (1) If they had 6-12 month sizes, Baby Bee would totally be getting a pair, and (2) Bamber's first baby girl will SO be getting a pair (probably the zebra print)!


Song Title: Who's Gonna Shoe Your Pretty Little Feet? by Art Garfunkel

Sleep Through The Static

Two hour naps are rad.

Start of Something New

(oh yeah, that song is from High School Musical...so very ashamed of myself...)

Today I'm conducting an experiment entitled "How To Be A Bad Mama Bee and therefore a Disappointment." This study includes giving in to Baby Bee's demands/whines/screams/growls/Excorcist-esque head-spinning requests for a bottle instead of her sippy cups. Over the last week we've attempted to transition Baby Bee to the sippy, with mixed results. She will drink water out of a cup, but pretty much refuses to drink milk from one.

During the weekend, I gave in due to not wanting to deal with El Diablo on Mother's Day. Then back to the program on Monday. Yeah, I'm totally over it again. I keep being told, "Oh, you'll have a couple of tough days, but she'll eventually get it and start using the sippy cups." Hmmm...when is that supposed to happen again? After 3 days of her hardly drinking anything, I feel the need to give her bottles again, if only to get some fluids in her!

And, to be honest, my experiment today (i.e. giving bottles instead of sippies at every meal) is also to see if her crazy behavior is directly related to her thirst(which I imagine at this point must be pretty intense).


Oye Mi Canto
Baby Bee and I are watching a Sesame Street from 2005 that has a segment with Gloria Estefan. Wearing overalls. On television. In 2005. Not 1995. 2005. Really, Gloria? That's the best thing you could find to wear? I know it's Sesame Street and all, but come on.


More later on how Mr. Bee is the most awesome husband ever. Baby starting to yawn already - I think this will require some Mama/Baby cuddle-time...