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    Baby Don't You Break My Heart Slow

    Momnesia: the mental fuzziness and memory lapses that set in shortly after childbirth

    For those of you without children, there is a funny thing that happens the very instant you blow out your vagina: you forget all about it. More accurately, you forget about all the shitty stuff that you had to endure during the 10 months of pregnancy.

    Oh, you thought pregnancy only lasted 9 months? How sweet.

    But that is a post for another day...

    My memories of even attempting to conceive Baby Bee are fuzzy. But through attempting to conceive Cletus the Fetus (also known as Baby Numero Dos), I recently recalled one of the (many) crappy aspects of trying to have a baby:

    The Negative Pregnancy Test.

    As I've said before, when I'm bored, hungry, sleepy, (fill in the adjective blank) I like to pee on things. But peeing on prego sticks is not all happy rainbows and unicorns and whatnot. It's actually beyond heart-breaking when you don't see that happy little plus sign or double line or whatever.

    It wasn't until Mr. Bee and I decided to start trying to get pregnant that we realized that it's not always that easy. With Baby Bee, I got off birth control at the start of the new year and thought that I would with child in no time. I mean, Sissy pretty much only has to wink at her husband and she's prego. But fast forward 6 months later and no baby, just baby blues.

    It's then that I joined a club of sorts. The I'm-Having-Troubles-Getting-Pregnant Club.

    Before I go on, I must apologize to all the women out there reading that are still having troubles getting pregnant. They must be reading this and thinking I am the biggest whiner ever. I can't imagine what it must be like to struggle for a year or years or forever without having a baby.

    Since you spend your pre-child-bearing years trying so hard to NOT have a baby, I think the majority of us figure that when we decide to have a baby, it'll be easy, right? I mean, all that birth control wasn't for nothing.

    However, for some of us, it's not that easy. Without even trying I can think of a half dozen women my age (late twenties/early thirties) who had real serious trouble conceiving. In fact, one of my friends has been trying to get pregnant since before I was even thinking about getting pregnant with Baby Bee. It puts so much in perspective to think about those women. The women that would give anything just to see that double blue line on their pee stick.

    But the test is negative. Again. So you must start another month of trying and hoping and keeping your fingers crossed that this month, well, this month will be different.

    And while you wait for that baby to come in to your life, you hear on the news about girls tossing their babies out like trash. Recently, here in Washington, a teenager (with the help of her father - good parenting) gave birth and killed her baby, throwing it in the dumpster behind her house.

    Or you hear about people just "accidentally" getting pregnant. Like when I was trying to get pregnant with Baby Bee, my neighbor's eighteen year old boy accidentally knocked up his seventeen year old girlfriend.

    Really though?

    I'm planning my sex down to the day and you "accidentally" get Little Miss High School Musical prego?!

    But there's nothing you can do. You just have to get back in the game after every set-back:

    1. Have sex. (okay, that part doesn't suck)
    2. Wait.
    3. Pee.

    and, unfortunately,

    4. Repeat as necessary.

    Song title: Baby Don't You Break My Heart Slow by Vonda Shepard


    donna said...

    Funny, my momnesia extends to the pushing a watermelon out a hole the size of a lemon. I'd do that again, no problem. I barely remember the suckage that was 2nd degree tearing.

    But I vividly remember the trying to conceive days. All three years of them. Taking my temperature every single day, charting it, peeing on OPKs, blood draws, Clomid, then finally and HSG, and injectible fertility drugs and two IUIs. I'm not complaining because it worked and I have a beautiful daughter. But I just can't do it all again.

    It sucks and it's not fair, and I get a bit prickly about all those accidental pregnancies that are running rampant these days, but I'm slowly making peace with it.

    I guess that's the long way of saying: Yeah, I know it sucks. Hope you get your Big Fat Positive soon.

    SBC said...

    Just a little note to say I do sincerely hope that you get your happy plus sign or double line very soon. I do recommend, however, staying away from the digital tests. There's nothing quite as depressing as the "NOT PREGNANT" display. Personally I prefered the less offensive single line results.

    Betts said...

    I remember sitting on the floor wrapping a baby shower gift for a friend and bawling/sobbing because I was on pre-cancellation notice for my first IVF cycle. I ended up sending the gift along with another friend. I knew I couldn't go and hold myself together.

    Hope you get the happy second line soon.

    Anonymous said...

    I remember those days. If only I had all that pee stick money back...

    I have a theory that all those "accidental" high school pregnancies have to be either:

    a.) miracles of timing
    b.) those kids were humping like rabbits all month long

    It's surprisingly hard to get pregnant!

    Daniel said...

    repeat #1 constantly until mr. bee is too sore to move :P