I need your help. I made a mistake. A big (blog) mistake.
I told people about my blog.
And now I have issues that I really need to vent about but I can't. My brain is spinning like a Jamba Juice blender and the vein in my forehead looks like it's ready to pack it's bags and head for greener pastures that are not attached to my head.
When I created my blog, I read about people who decided to be completely anonymous. Some people haven't even told their significant other about their blog(s). As weird as that sounds, those bloggers have complete and utter freedom to blog about everything. I, on the other hand, can never keep my big, fat mouth shut and had to blab to anyone who listens that "Ooh! Ooh! I have a blog!!" With every single person I tell about my blog, I must add to the list of
people topics I can't discuss...
Stupid stupid Mama Bee.
So if you don't hear from me for a while, please send out the search dogs. You will likely find me hiding in a dark closet, knees tucked under my chin, mumbling something about wanting to write about my inner demons and interpersonal issues but being stifled by my big stupid blabby mouth.
Center of Attention
On a different, but related topic, I came to a realization last night. Have you ever heard the philosophy that the character traits you find most annoying in other people are really the traits you like least about yourself?
I realized that my biggest social fear (besides clowns) is (unintentionally) stealing the lime light/conversation. I beg and plead for social acceptance through personal tirades/anecdotes/opinions (and especially through my pathetic attempts at humor). But I'm constantly aware of how much I am talking in a conversation and am filled with a fear and paranoia that I am (1)boring everyone, (2)not being funny, and/or (3)being overbearing.
I also realized last night that I don't think people realize how emotional I am. And by "people" I mean any one who is not directly related to me. My family definitely knows what a huge cry baby I am. I even surprised myself with a reaction to something that I didn't think meant that much to me, just to discover within myself that it meant a lot.
Oh, I'd love to tell you about it, but please see above.
Song title: Bite My Tongue by Relient K; Center of Attention by Alove for Enemies