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    Billion Dollar Babies

    Cha-Ching
    And so it begins. The endless spending of dollars on the childrens.

    Besides the money we're wasting on the un-used condoms we have stocked up on in the past two years (sorry, Dad. I'm sure you weren't expecting to read that so early in the morning), I have officially spent my first dollar(s) on the not-yet-conceived fruit of my loins (aka: Cletus the Fetus).

    No peeing yet. I'll keep you informed.
    First of all, Dollar Stores ROCK. A tip to those of you who have yet to conceive (or just didn't know this fantastic tidbit), DO NOT waste your money on $28+ pregnancy tests! My general rule is that if I'm going to pee on something, I better not be able to buy a nice, well, anything for the same amount.

    When I was attempting to conceive Baby Bee (aka: Felix the Fetus), my Bridezilla Cohort clued me in to the wonderful world of Dollar Stores. Did you know you can buy all the pregnancy and ovulation tests you can carry for only...wait for it...A DOLLAR (each)?! And, believe me, we did. (I'll admit, while we were there I DID actually turn to my friend and ask why there weren't prices on anything. I'm chalking it up to pre-Momnesia, okay?)

    In fact, we bought so many pregnancy tests in one visit that the Aurora (read: not the nicest area of Seattle) store clerk responded that we, the glamazon white girls, were "keeping it ghetto."

    That's right, son. You never knew that Mama Bee was a fly motha - shut yo mouth!

    Anywho, if you are looking to save money in what will be an endless money pit (aka: your lovable, squeezable baby), go to your local Dollar Store for some $1 prego tests (or in my case $2.59 prego tests since my "Dollar Plus" store is, well, more on the PLUS side of things).

    Yesterday, Baby Bee and I visited our local Dollar Store (Plus) to stock up on what I predict will be a few months of peeing on a lot of pee sticks. Because I'm not the kind of mom/person that says, "Oh, I'll just wait until my body tells me I'm pregnant and then, only then, will I pee on a stick. I'll just be patient."

    Oh no.

    My plan is to pretty much push Mr. Bee off of me and pee on a stick IMMEDIATELY after attempting to conceive.

    I'm just keepin' it real, yo.


    Song title: Billion Dollar Babies by Alice Cooper

    9 comments:

    Pearl said...

    I was queen of the dollar store OPKS and pregnancy tests! They rock!!

    I dont know about yours, but the ones we get here (that truly are one dollar and this could possibly be why...) are the "cartridge" type. Thats a fancy way of saying you have to pee in a cup and use the snazzy disposable eye dropper thingy to drop a few drops of your own pee onto the "cartrigdge". So you basically get to play mad scientist with your own urine. Shoo, I'd pay TWO dollars for that, yo!

    Hollllla!!!

    Lazy Housewife said...

    Tis good to know. I keep trying to tell hubby this during the times that we have thought we may be preggers but he thinks the cheapies are gonna fool us or something. Good luck with the babymakin'.

    Mama Kat said...

    My BFF buys like 20 every month and pees her morning pees on those tests...even when she knows she's not pregnant. They're kind of fun. :)

    blueviolet said...

    I'm old enough (and I'm not that old) to remember peeing in the cup and using the dropper method. I feel sick.

    Mama Bee said...

    Oh yeah, ladies. It's all about the peeing in a cup. Don't be fooled: $2.49 does not buy you a fancy pee stick with a digital read out or anything. In fact, I'm surprised the ghetoo display doesn't read:

    Yoz a Baby Mama, Ho
    (or)
    Yoz not a Baby Mama

    Mama Bee said...

    Uh, that'd be "ghetto"...

    Pearl, I think it's catching.

    Daniel said...

    I wanna pee on something!! I'm gonna go down there and buy some test kits just to feel like part of the gang :P

    Betts said...

    Oh, how I wish I'd known this a long time ago. It took my three years and three cycles of IVF to conceive so you can imagine the stick peeing I did. I'm sure it was the equivilent of a really nice dress and shoes with a bag to match, and a visit to the nail salon for a mani/pedi. I'm depressed now. I need to read your next post; maybe that'll cheer me up.

    the mama bird diaries said...

    holy crap! I have never ever known this priceless piece of information. I am forever grateful.