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    The Old Stuff

    Celebrate and Party

    Jingle Bells
    Well, it's officially that time of year. People are preparing for the holidays with various tradtions: sending out Christmas cards, bringing the kids to see Santa, trying to find room in the living room for the Christmas tree, and, of course, listening to the Christmas radio station 24/7 and turning our babies in to consumer whores (kidding, Pearl!).

    While all those traditions are fine and dandy, they can't possibly stand up to THE holiday tradition of the season:

    Santabator

    Santabator is the annual celebration of all things offensive and hilarious. The origins of Santabator are so thick with myth and legend that I don't know the specifics, but you can imagine that the centerpiece of the evening is small toy Santa who is, shall we say, pleasuring himself. Shortly thereafter, Mrs. Clause and her handy candy cane of love joined the festivities, too.

    "But Mama Bee, what do you do at said holiday party, pray tell?"

    Friend, I thought you'd never ask.

    Well, first we usually consume a ridiculous amount of food and alcohol. Then, the showcase of the evening, the presents. Typically the presents range from hilarious to oh-god-I-just-shat-myself hilarious. Here are just a few from last year's shindig:

    Luke, I am your father...Is that sausage in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?My, what big balls you have!








    The presents shown (from left to right) are (1) a Darth Vader helmet that features a voice-altering thing-a-ma-bobber that makes you sound like Darth. You can imagine what we said as Darth. (2) The obligatory phallic sausages. (3) The "oversized" gift set, including gigantic stocking, huge (ornament) balls, large decorative bow, etc.

    Following or during the gift exchange, usually Santabator and Mrs. Clause find themselves in some compromising positions...



    Did I mention the drinking?

    Totally not work appropriate.

    And at some point, I think some baby smuggling occurs. Hell, those little buggers go for a lot on the black market, right?

    How much for your childrens?

    Happy Santabator to you and yours!


    Song title: Celebrate and Party by Hymns

    3 comments:

    Gina @ Six in the Country said...

    You are so freakin' funny!

    Pearl said...

    Uhm, so I am guessing my invite got lost in the mail :(

    the mama bird diaries said...

    Well, happy santabator to you too.