Have I Offended You? Get in line...
Last night, Mr. Bee approached me about how I might eventually offend someone who reads this blog. My general response was: "okay." ::shrug:: I tried to convince him that I do use some semblance of tact when writing this. I really detest people who are cowards until they get online and decide to say/type things that they would never really say to anyone's face.
I tried to convince Mr. Bee that I'm not one of those people and I would, in fact, be happy to repeat anything I put in this blog to any one in my life. Actually, many of you get the chance to hear these stories multiple times! If the tens of people, who are obviously so insanely bored that they wander over to this P.O.S. blog, get offended, then maybe they should delete their Mama Bee Bookmark, yeah? By the end of our conversation, we both decided that a more accurate title for the blog should be "Everybody Can Suck It."
Mmmmm...I love the smell of cancer in the morning...
I should begin by saying that this topic was one of those that Mr. Bee thought could/would offend people. So, yeah, um, sorry?
**UPDATE: To totally plagarize Pearl, I feel the need to specify that I guess I hate the smoke, not the smoker. And I really hate using the word "hate", too. So hate = dislike. God, I'm such a push-over...**
One of the super awesome and fantastic things about living in a 3-floor walk up apartment (gag) is that is gets ridiculously hot when it's 90+ degrees outside. We have one sliding glass door and a couple windows that have to be open pretty much all day long to keep the place from cooking Baby Bee and my's internal organs.
So every morning, first thing I do is open the slider door and get a fan going to get some cool morning air in the apartment. Roughly 30 seconds after I do this, the douche living below me decides to have his first of about a billion cigarettes out on his balcony. This, of course, fills my apartment instantly with cigarette (and other types...hint, hint) of smoke. I have to run to the balcony and turn the fan around as fast as I can and then we get to spend the next ten minutes roasting in stale cigarette smoke.
**If you are easily offended and/or smoke, you may want to turn away now. Don't worry we'll tell you when it's safe to come back**
I. Hate. Smokers.
5 Reasons Why I Hate Smokers
1. They are selfish.
Smokers totally don't care that they are spreading their love of cancer to innocent bystanders. Whether it's while you are sitting pleasantly in your own apartment or walking down the street, smokers don't usually care if they are puffing away and blowing smoke in to your face. To quote Stephanie Tanner, "How Rude!"
2. They litter
I'm really not trying to go on a tirade, but it totally disgusts me to see how much of the litter on the road, walkways, freeways, etc. is used cigarette butts. Really? Just because your trash is small doesn't mean that every single smoker can toss their trash out the window.
3. They are dangerous
Seriously? Since when it is okay to toss something on FIRE out your car window?! Have you noticed those lovely black patches of grass near the freeway? Yeah, that's from you, Smoker. All those brush fires aren't spontaneous combustion, retards. And I swear to God, if you hit my car with your lit cigarette, I will follow you until we're at a stop light and throw something on fire in to YOUR car! And, if you have to litter, can you at least snub out your cigarette first? You don't see normal people walking around just dropping crap on fire on the ground do you?
Anyone ever been hit by a lit cigarette in a night club/bar? I have! This has changed significantly since Washington changed it's smoking laws (and since I have become an old fuddy-duddy who doesn't ever go out anymore), but the memories still haunt me!
5. OK, I'm out
Okay, so I didn't really have 5 reasons, but I still don't like smokers. It's dirty, it's unhealthy, and as long as you have the "right" to kill yourself with smoke, I should have the "right" to not have smoke blown in my friggin' window every morning.
I apologize sincerely if I happen to offend anyone with this crappy blog. Oh yeah, and if I did offend you? Suck it.
Song title: Angry People by Barenaked Ladies
Have I Offended You? Get in line...