Manic Monday

With a hectic weekend, the opportunities to blog have been few and far in-between. You'll have to excuse me now because I have so many thoughts circling in my head! Somehow you'll have to attempt to make sense of my Montezuma's Revenge of the Blog.


Happy Birthday to Me
Guess what I got for my birthday? Way too many f#cking calories! On Saturday, I drank way too much and ate even more. And it was perfect. I had a super fabulous time and got some wild and crazy presents! No offense, but one gift stood out as, well, being the friggin' most hilarious and awesome present ever. Behold, the douche card:

I can't wait to give the first card away...


Hello, Lover
Speaking of friends, tonight I finally saw Sex & the City: The Movie. Trying to not be totally gay (literally, not figuratively), halfway through the movie all I wanted to do was lean over and hug Mrs. J. It's a super chick-power movie and forces you to reflect on all the relationships in your life. My friends, for example, f#ckin' rock. I know I've said it time and again, but I haven't had the best luck with friends in the past.

"Like what?" you say? Well, I'm glad you asked. Not to toot my own horn (toot toot), but I think (or, maybe, more accurately: I try) to be a good friend. Like a get-a-phone-call-at-the-crack-of-dawn-from-a-friend-in-need-so-I-pack-up-the-baby-and-drive-20-minutes-to-empty-(literally)-my-wallet-for-you-kind-of friend. But in the past, that kind of act is typically rewarded with never hearing from the person again and being about $50 poorer.

But my own Miranda (meow), Samantha (hmmm...who could this be?), Charlotte (is it a coincidence that her baby is Asian? I think not...) & Carrie (ours will have a Dr. and a PhD next to her name, but who's comparing)...well, I couldn't ask for more!


The Fantastic Four Five
But if we have a Miranda, a Samantha, a Charlotte, and a Carrie, well, then who am I?

* I thrive on Miranda's skepticism and her fight to keep her marriage, her child and her career in balance.

* My vocabulary gives away my Samantha-esque trait. I say f#ck (and generally inappropriate things) way too often!

* Like Charlotte, I think a part of me is naive and just a little prudish. But thanks to our group's Samantha...that will be short-lived!

* And Carrie. I think most people identify with main characters but me, not so much. I have no eye for fashion (I'm far too self-conscious to ever wear anything too fashionable) and I've never dated very much (let alone have enough relationships to write columns about). However, I do spend a lot of time talking to myself in front of my laptop, so I'll give myself a smidge of Carrie to round things out.

Honestly, I think I'm a wacky hybrid of each of them in some way (maybe some, more than others). But really, aren't we all?


Spoiler Alert
If you haven't seen the movie, you may want to skip over this section (but I'm not going to reveal any specifics).

There are so many topics in the SATC Movie that touch home for me. The most powerful one is the emotional drain a relationship (or more accurately, the end of a relationship) can have on you.

Hasn't everyone had that soul-crushing, gut-wrenching, completely debilitating break up that left you in a Mexicoma? I know I have. As I said above, I haven't had many relationships in my life. Guys just don't ask me out. I've never "dated". I've only been in relationships. Most ended badly.

My first serious boyfriend - He Who Shall Not Be Named - ended the relationship with the tried-and-true and very grown up method of "Treat Her Like Shit Until She Breaks Up With You So You It Makes It Easier On You". As much as he did (and probably does still) deserve above said cards I received for my birthday, taking control and ending the relationship actually was very empowering for me. It taught me the lesson that I'm too important (and just too awesome) to let anyone, especially a man, treat me or make me feel like shit. It was a difficult and painful lesson to learn, but it had to happen.

My next/rebound boyfriend, well, he was the one who crushed me. It was one of those "I'm Not Happy But She Thinks Things Are Going Fine So I'll Just Blindside Her" breakups. This was my Mexicoma. My "I don't want to get out of bed; just leave me alone" heartbreak. And all during my first week of law school. Thanks, asshole. That made it *much* more fun.

What is it about those relationships that made it so impossible to just pick up and move on? And how come you never seen man all mopey and soul-crushed?


Happily Ever After
Luckily, during that last breakup, I had a fabulous friend named Mr. Bee who actually hung out with me and my (then) friends. Ironically, I met Mr. Bee through Jackass #1 and probably wouldn't have started dating him if it weren't for Jackass #2's breakup.

SATC also poses questions to us married folk. Like, if your significant other cheated on you, could you forgive them?

Now, forgiveness is not my strong suit. I hold grudges. Like epic, Guinness Book of World Records, grudges. But when I really think about my love for Mr. Bee, like Miranda/Steve or Carrie/Mr. Big, I think it will really last. Through ups and downs, sickness and health. Hell, we've already had those issues beat the shit out of us with a Louisville Slugger. Bring it, I say, BRING IT!

However, this brings me to another thought (okay, it's really Charlotte's thought). Can you be comfortable being happy or will you constantly be paranoid that it will all come crashing down on you?

Sure, I've had bad days - who hasn't? But overall, I have a lovely and close family (immediate and extended/in-laws), a wonderful, devoted & ambitious husband, the cutest daughter who has ever lived, beautiful and fabulous friends, and a happy/content life here in the suburbs. What did I do to deserve this? Will someone eventually realize that all this awesomeness was really meant for someone else, someone deserving? Is it all a cover for something darker and foreboding that looms in my future? Is Mr. Bee really a lizard-man wearing an Edgar Suit? Will my daughter army-crawl in to her Twenties? I suppose only time will tell...


That's All Folks
So there you have it. My mental diarrhea put to paper (or screen, as it were). It all made so much more sense in my head...


Song Title: Manic Monday by The Bangles