Happy Birthday Blues

**Warning: What follows is a selfish diatribe on the suckiest birthday ever except for maybe Asian Brain Twin's gay boyfriend dumping her. She definitely wins that contest!**

{{sigh}}

Here begins the long ass story of how we lost our Hills house...

Once upon a time, in the Dirty Dirty South, we found a house unlike any other. Well, okay, there may be approximately 8 trillion other homes on the same street that look exactly like it, but we liked this one, okay? Geesh, get off my back already.

Any who, we found this house and after attempting to put an offer down, we found out that they wouldn't accept contingent offers. So we immediately put our house on the market (after two weeks of excruciatingly exhausting work packing up all our really cluttered crap and staging all the remaining crap in a fashionable way) and low-and-behold! We actually get an offer on our house after it's only been on the market 10 days! TEN DAYS! In *this* market?! Crazy talk, I tell ya.

We are just thrilled. We plan on making an offer on our Hills house as soon as the inspection on our house is completed. But wait! Someone is already putting in an offer on "our" home in the Hills?! How dare they?! (In fact, I believe my actual reaction was, "Oh, fuck.") So we scramble with our buying agent and get an offer on the table...

Saturday: Find out someone is trying to buy the Hills house

Sunday: Tour the Hills house and neighboring houses for sale. We determine that we do love the house and want to buy it tout de suite (thank you for the French lesson, Sex in the City).

Monday: Sign paperwork for offer on Hills House

Tuesday: Submit offer. We're told if we make it non-contingent on the sale of our house, then the house is ours. We do make the changes! We have a house!

Tuesday Evening: Oh, wait. They want to allow the other people to up their offer if they want the house. How about you come back with your highest and best offer Wednesday morning?

Wednesday Morning: We say, "Pound sand, assholes. That *was* our best offer." We think we've lost the house.

Wednesday Midday: Guess what?! The other people said "Pound Sand!" too! We're still in this!!

Wednesday Afternoon: Oh wait. Ha ha! Remember when we said you were still in this? Yeah... not so much. They gave it to the other people. Even though we offered $$ over any offer of theirs. They just gave it to the other folks anyhow.

So in approximately four weeks, we'll officially be homeless.

Suckiest. Birthday. Ever.

OMG, did I mention that my email was down all day too? Jesus Christ, Kharma's not fucking around today. I must have been Ghengis Khan or Hitler last time around or something...


A Little Help From My Friends
Besides my family, the redeeming part of today was ending it with my closest friends drinking Cosmos and watching the final season of Sex and The City. It was a nice send off for our F-Dub house and it was really weird thinking that tonight will be the last night that all the Lovely Lady Friends hang out here.

And OMG, how much do I love the Lovely Lady Friends? Anywhere I can comfortably say "Fuck," "Jesus Christ," and "vag" without anyone blinking a beautiful eyelash is heaven to me! It's so amazing finally (finally) having a set of wonderful female friends that are soooo honest, and so FUN, and so dependable! Fingers crossed that I'll never need it, but I know these ladies would be at my side in a heartbeat if I needed them for anything!

And don't even get me started on how much they love Baby Bee! It was just about the cutest thing in the world to see Bee snuggle up with her Auntie Mrs. J! And Mr. J's ovaries would have just about popped if he would've seen it (um, PS: Mr. J, can you knock up your wife already?! I don't want to pull out the "shooting blanks" jokes, but I'll do it. You know me. I'll do it.)

Anyway, that's a little (novel) on how I spent my 29th birthday. Only one more year in my 20's...But 30 is the new 20, right? RIGHT?! Oh dear God, I need another Cosmo...


Song Titles: Happy Birthday Blues by B.B. King; A Little Help From My Friends by Joe Cocker